Time goes by fast. Every time I turn around, it's already been another week. Just a little bit of what I've been up to- more of the same, I guess. Still getting up, going to work, talking to friends, going to bed, repeating. Yes, I am also getting way better at coming up with efficient loops to describe things. Probably because I write a whole bunch at work. Today, I actually wrote a little sub to try and automate a process. That's definitely something I wouldn't have bothered doing a few months ago. (One additional motivating factor is the sheer quantity of the data. It would take HOURS to go through hundreds of rows of data, not to mention the potential for errors. We humans are built, it seems, to be creative and to find ways to use tools, but not so much to repeat motions without mistakes.)
Other random things. How long it's been since I just really laughed very hard. I realized this today. I smile, and I laugh, but usually not because things are tremendously funny. I'm supposed to be serious at work. Professionalism. It comes with its own good dose of pleasantries- smiling, small talk, remembering people's names... but it doesn't really allow for much hilarity to ensue. Probably not a bad thing at work. I wouldn't get any work done at all! That, however, is definitely something I miss. Hanging out with other people my age, letting loose and playing tag in the hallways. Yeah, tag is still cool at 21. Playing hockey, tag on the ice, going for runs along the Charles. College, in retrospect, involved a lot of running. Oh, and lots of cold, fresh air.
Running. Definitely something I miss here. I try to run in my neighborhood, but it's definitely not the same. After just a little while, I get very much out of breath and just can't seem to get a full breath of air. My lungs start making wheezing sounds. Not the best thing. And pretty much as soon as I stop running, I catch my breath again, so it's definitely not that I can't handing the running itself. Allergies are starting up again, though. I went outside for a couple of minutes at work on Monday and... felt pretty awful the rest of the day. Ended up going to bed around 9 that night. Yay sleep!
Things big on my mind this week. I don't understand what part of me is not being able to just let go and trust God. Sometimes, I think it's my head, and other times, I'm convinced it's my heart. Either way, I just want to believe that He is in control for the future, but my rational side gets all out of whack and starts going over stats and reminding me of the odds I'm facing. Then my irrational side takes over and starts playing this record that says it's all too hard. So between trying to figure out where everything is coming from and trying to convince myself that trusting God is the best thing to do, I'm pretty plumb tuckered out. Seriously, with His goodness right in front of my nose every day at work, how hard can it be to trust Him with something a couple of months down the road and no harder for Him to control than my current situation? I'm surprised and somewhat saddened by just how hard I find it to trust the One who really can do anything and actually cares about the details in my life.
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