Penultimate Lesson (for the foreseeable future)

I am pretty sure that none of the kids who will be in class tomorrow will read this, but this is what I would like to say if I could. And if any of you do read this, please know that I have really enjoyed working with you this year. Watching you grow has been a privilege and the highlight of my week. I will miss hearing about your week, burning off some energy in the gym, and of course studying the Bible with you all. I will be praying for each and every one of you - for your continued growth, for you all to discover and follow the plans that God has for your lives. Continue laughing, enjoying every moment of your life, and don't forget to think!

Speaking of thinking... let's talk about tomorrow's lesson. As we've been going through different familiar Bible stories, hopefully you've learned something new from each of them, and at the very least gotten more used to sitting down and reading passages in the Bible, learning to process the verses, thinking as you read. It's a good habit for you to get into, reading your Bible every day. Try to set aside some time- whether it's in the morning or at night, and make quiet time with God a priority. But I digress. Tomorrow we're talking about Daniel. He hasn't ended up in the lion's den yet. Right now, he's just gotten to King Nebuchadnezzar's palace. And, it's kind of like you all starting a new school year with new classmates (and maybe a new school). In Daniel 1:8, it says, "But Daniel made up his mind that he would not defile himself with the king’s choice food or with the wine which he drank; so he sought permission from the commander of the officials that he might not defile himself." A couple of things to note here. 1). He knew it was wrong to eat the food that was provided for him by the king. 2) He had thought about what he'd do ahead of time. 3) He asked for permission to not do what was wrong. In verse 12 we see that he actually came up with a proposal. Instead of just saying, I can't do this or maybe not even saying anything at all, he worked through the problem. Something else to point out here, notice that Daniel and his friends stepped out in faith. They said, “Please test your servants for ten days, and let us be given some vegetables to eat and water to drink. Then let our appearance be observed in your presence and the appearance of the youths who are eating the king’s choice food; and deal with your servants according to what you see.” (Daniel 1: 12, 13) They believed that if they followed God's commands and lived according to His law, that He would be faithful. (We also saw earlier that they were willing to obey God regardless of what happened (Daniel 3: 17-18)) In both stories, we see how God is faithful and saves them. In verse 15, it says, "At the end of ten days their appearance seemed better and they were fatter than all the youths who had been eating the king’s choice food." And in verse 17, "As for these four youths, God gave them knowledge and intelligence in every branch of literature and wisdom; Daniel even understood all kinds of visions and dreams."

Sometimes, we're asked to make hard choices and we are asked to stand up for what we know is right. Sometimes, we'll see God work in big ways like He did for Daniel and his friends. Sometimes, things may not work out the way we had planned. It's important to stand firm and remember though that even when things look like they're going all wrong, God still has a plan. To be doing what's right and remaining in the center of His will is the best and safest place for you to be in your life. As you start school, you may find yourself choosing between doing what's right and what's easy but wrong. It's at times like these that you can ask God for wisdom on how to handle the situation well, and for strength and courage to press on.


Anyway, tomorrow will be the second-to-last Sunday School lesson I will teach for at least a while. I'm going to be taking an elective so instead of teaching Sunday School, I will be going to Sunday School. While I know I'm going to miss the kids, I'm also excited to be able to take a class and learn how to better share my faith.

Blessings

Recently with all that's been in the news about earthquakes, wars, and disease, I've become more aware of just how much I've been blessed with. I don't go to church and worry about being safe. My concerns center on how to get into graduate school. Not whether I can go to school at all. And this week, when the water at my work suddenly turned a milky white color, I was reminded that people around the world are worried about whether their water has dangerous microorganisms. That they worry when their water is a dirty brown. I might not be able to see my fingers if I cup my hand and fill it with the water from the tap, but I'm also not concerned about getting seriously sick after washing my hands with it. I probably wouldn't voluntarily drink it, but I've seen people brush their teeth with no visible ill effects. So where does all this lead me? I'm realizing just how small my problems really are. When I look around, it's easier to put things in perspective. And I'm asking myself - I've been tremendously blessed and I have a lot of resources, so how can I use that which I've been given to bless in turn those who maybe don't have access to everything I do? How can I use what I have to make an impact in the lives of others? More to come on thoughts later, but until then, what can you do with what you have?

Plans

We make plans. Complicated and simple, creative and obvious, our plans range from the smallest of things - what to wear today- to the largest of our short lifetimes - where we will be in 10 years, what we will do in 20 years, and who we will be in 50 years. Recently though, I've been learning what my brain has been taught for years - that our best laid plans are simply drawings in the sand. Prone to shift when the wind changes, blurred by the passage of time. And I'm starting to learn instead that what I need to do is to focus on the present. Yes, prepare for the future, but not necessarily set up and cling to plans. Yes, work hard and think ahead to be ready, but not only ready for what I think is important, but for whatever may come my way. Instead of putting everything on hold for the future, living in the here and now so that I am able to live the life that I have been called to live. Living in the present so that I can invest in people, learn to love the way God loves, and serve Him with whatever it is I do already have. As I look for opportunities to serve with the skills and talents I have right now, I'm realizing how small my problems are. Realizing that people can't afford medical treatment that costs only a few dollars. Realizing just how little a month's worth of wages can be for people in some parts of the world. And instead of just learning about it, I want to do something with what I have been given. Do something with the resources I have and to take action instead of just letting their stories go in one ear and out the other. I want to do something with the enormous blessings that I have been given, to pass it on in whatever manner I can. To be the little boy who gave his five loaves of bread and two fish to God, believing that no matter how small the offering I bring, He can use it to touch the lives of many. I'm not sure what or where I will be called to be in the future, but I know that I am a work in progress and who I am at the end of everything will matter more than how much money I made, how comfortable my life was, or how famous I was.

For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus. 

-- Philippians 1:6        

Glare

As promised (and so I can keep the string of one-word titles going), this is a post on the wonderful, impossible "glare." Let's just say when I lived in the dorms, I was pretty bad at glaring. My floormates would be teasing me about something and I would try so very hard to glare at them, but since I was either laughing or very close to laughing, it was nearly impossible for me to get a legit glare going. Thus, the beginning of the stated "glare." I ended up saying "glare" and pretty much failing completely at the glaring with my face part. Which just made things even funnier. And then I'd end up laughing. I'm not going to say anything about the current state of the glare. Because we all know that there's no reason I should have gotten any better at it over the course of a couple of years. Now if I were truly annoyed, perhaps it wouldn't be so hard to actually glare...

Vocabulary.

Yep, vocabulary. Feels like something I would have written about in high school and studied then as well. But this past week found me going through Barron's Essential Words for the GRE. And now I've gone through and sorted out which ones I do know and which ones I don't. Turns out, going through 100 words a day is totally doable when 1) it's broken up into 10 word segments, 2) you don't have time on your side so it's kind of necessary, 3) that's pretty much what you do when you get home from work. Okay, that last one is kind of an exaggeration. It's been taking me about an hour or two each day depending on my concentration level. After sorting through the list, I now have 166 to review/memorize. Some of my favorite ones... Inchoate, doggerel, and tautology.

Getting Back Up to Run

We pray and we ask God to answer our requests. Sometimes He says yes. Sometimes He says no. Sometimes, He says now is not the time. Right now, the answer to my prayers about school falls in the no/not right now category. I was rejected off the waitlist at one of my top choices. If I had gotten in, I would have found myself starting classes this morning. Instead, today found me at work, today found me coming home, today found me furiously reviewing GRE vocabulary words. You see, it's kind of like when, as a little kid, you're running and you trip. Instead of allowing yourself to lie sprawled out looking up at the sky, trying to register the force of the fall, you take a tumble, use the momentum to keep rolling and roll right back up onto your feet so you can keep running. Someone at church who knows just how badly I wanted to go to school this fall stopped to encourage me yesterday and told me how glad he was that I was so upbeat. To which I could only laugh and say that I was trying. Because, it's true. I am trying to push forward. I am trying to trust that God has a plan that I cannot understand fully at this point in time. It's possible I may never really understand why it is that I didn't get in. And yet, despite the fact that I don't understand, I'm trying to take things one step at a time, going where He leads me. And, I'm not quitting. I'll revise my plan, improve my application, and probably try again next year. Because becoming a doctor and healing the sick is still my dream. Because it's a job that I think would be worth pursuing even if there were no real financial incentive. As far as I can calculate, it's financially better for me to just stick with consulting. But, I'm not in it for the money. And I'm willing to work for it, even if it does take some time to get there. And if, after all that effort and time, I realize that becoming a doctor isn't what God wants me to do, I will have to learn to be okay with that as well. But in the meantime, I will have been running and seeking to be in the center of His will, and I will know that my life has not been wasted. So, right now, I'm trying to roll right back onto my feet and go in the direction that He leads me. And I'm actually kind of excited to see what doors He might open in the near future.

Running and Waiting

Running and Waiting

When the waiting gets too hard

Time spent staring at the clock too long

When weariness overpowers desire

Then I will look upon the Cross 

And remember.

Remember His love, the unfailing love

His grace unending, ever free

His patience yesterday, today, evermore.

Then I will run to the Cross

And hope.

Hope knowing that the battle is already won.

Hope for the day that is yet to come when

All the cares of this world will be as dust - 

carried far away on the four winds...

Hope for the day when I see His face and

Nothing else past, present, future will matter.

So longing for that day when my faith is

Made complete once and for all,

Thus will I press on - in love, through grace

and by faith in search of that which

though as of yet unseen, is most precious.

And so I choose to

Run daily to the foot of the Cross, and there

With humility and gratitude

Lay my burdens and my glories down.

Dog at the Shore

Dog at the Shore

Tail happily wagging

Tongue hanging

It looks up to its master

Adoringly gazing

Looking for approval

As its fur blows in the wind

It takes off running

Running fast and free

So happy and so far

But never happier nor faster

Than when it runs back

Back toward its master who

Smiling, calls him and welcomes him

Into his open arms.

I must have written this sometime freshman year of college on one of the retreats in the fall/winter. I'll leave the interpretation open to the reader...

High School English/Looking Back

I've been finally sorting through some of my high school English notebooks and at once appreciated the exercises my teachers put me through and remembered just how desperate I was to get through those assignments. Junior and Senior year, I had teachers who insisted that we keep a "journal" of sorts. It pretty much consisted of a required x number of entries that could be anything from poetry to random musings. I really began to enjoy writing random free-style poetry Junior year thanks to the fact that I had a wonderful Romanian poet as a teacher who really believed in using anything and everything as creative fodder. (Hence my willingness to ramble and write about any topic.) So, my notebooks are filled with odds and ends of creative writing - much of it poetry that would *ahem* also conveniently fill up multiple lines very quickly. ;) Even though length really didn't matter, just seeing line after line of penciled in scrawls with crossed out words was so satisfying! I've been typing up some of the entries to keep it safe in electronic format in case I should lose the actual notebooks. (Will probably end up sharing them gradually in posts)

It's kind of interesting to look back and see just how much I've changed and yet remained much the same person all at the same time. I think the same voice comes through. The same priorities have remained. And yet, the quirks in my personality have changed, as well as what I think/write about. (I will come back to re-read this sometime in the future and likely make this same comment about the current me.)

These are from the same page Senior year quite close to December seeing how much I have college/Regionals in my mind on the next page.

Bedtime

Yes, it's bedtime. Yes, it's past midnight

Yet, there's a quietness here that I

cannot resist. Those noisy bedtimes

are long gone. The house is still, asleep,

Wrapped in the blanket of night.

So right around bedtime I get out

My red writing notebook and

Blue ink pen, and

Take the time to write.

This one should probably have been in an non-poem format, but it focuses on my journaling time at night, and it reminded me of just how precious those moments were. When the stress and busyness of the day would slip away and I could just have some uninterrupted quiet time...

This next one is quite funny - in retrospect, of course.

Oops

Oops, there's a lot of work due this week

Oops, I haven't started some of it

Oops, the stress is piling up

Oops what should I do because as you know

Oops isn't a happy word when you've got work due.