In Between Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

Christmas at our house was quiet and cozy. Well, sort of. Christmastime seems to go by faster and faster every year. So much so that this year, I feel like I woke up and Christmas had already come and gone without me really registering it at all. Since we had gorgeously sunny 60 degree weather short sleeves without shivering in December! I am going to give myself a little bit of an excuse.

Things are wrapping up for the year - the annual give-back-to-my-alma-mater now complete, the end-of-year contribution statements trickling in, the last timesheet of the year submitted, the see you next year ie. Friday greetings at work. And so, having just gotten used to writing 2014, it seems, I must get ready for 2015. I'm looking forward to it, honestly. So much happened in 2014. Both worldwide and in my little corner of it. There were lots of sad things, lots of things that made me think, and lots of things that made me happy. I'm thankful for 2014. And I hope at the end of 2015, I can say the same thing once again.

To Give Them Cookies

I was trying to explain the concept of passing along the grace and love that we have received from God to a little kid. And the easiest way I could explain it was to just say, let's pretend I gave you a box of cookies and told you to share it with people. The cookies aren't coming from you - I gave them to you, but the act of passing it on lies with you. 

Grace: An explanation for a kid

So, here's my attempt to explain grace to a 6th grader with some additional thoughts added in. Well, let's look up the definition of grace. According to Google, grace, in Christian belief, is defined as

"the free and unmerited favor of God, as manifested in the salvation of sinners and the bestowal of blessings."

Salvation v. Starvation

So, I was explaining a few verses to one of the kids at Sunday School recently.

Me: Do you know what salvation means?

A (enthusiastically): Yes!

Me (Wanting to make sure he actually understands): Oh, so can you explain what it means to me? 

A (Without pausing at all): Salvation is starvation!  

I asked him why he thought they were the same thing, and he said, well, it sounds the same... Yes, indeed, it does sound similar. But oh how different are these two things! Working with kids is sometimes hilarious, sometimes difficult, but always beneficial because it makes you think. Salvation is definitely not the equivalent of starvation, but how do you describe somewhat abstract concepts without using other abstract concepts or church-isms? How would you describe grace and salvation to a little kid? My explanation to come next time...

Thanksgiving and Random Things

Hope your Thanksgiving was wonderful - and that you remembered to actually be thankful about something! I definitely was thankful for my family and enjoyed the day off as well :). Some of the things I made as pictured below...

Little K

Little K. Somehow, kids are special. If you've been following this blog, you'll know that I was working with kids at Sunday School. Well, energetic, crazy, and fidgety as they might be, kids just have a way of melting your heart. So here I find myself asking for you to pray for K. K is your normal kid who loves video games, running around, asking questions, and doing whatever it is that kids like to do. No, nothing is wrong with K. That's not why I'm asking you to pray. I'm asking you to pray because I want to see K grow closer to God, to know Him more fully, and well, because there are a few factors that make it a more "difficult" environment for him. Unlike your average churched kid in America today, K comes from a non-Christian family, and his older siblings appear to be cynical about the existence of God (and vocal about it). But God works in ways that we cannot begin to foresee, and K accepted Christ as Savior this past summer. Now has begun the task of discipling this little kid whose attention span is on the order of a whole 5 minutes. The desire to know God more fully is so clearly evident, the questioning mind of a little kid whose "society" filter has not fully developed, the simple child-like faith. I've been using what I've been learning in my discipleship class to teach K the basics. You see, my hope is that K's faith will grow deeper and stronger. I really want K to come to the point where he is able to defend his faith. But time is so precious and the times I get to work with him come only once a week. Five minutes once a week! So little, and yet so much. Over the course of 3 months, that is an entire hour.

I've been assigning verses for K to memorize. Last week, I asked him to memorize Ephesians 2: 8-9. Well, when I followed up yesterday, he told me his dog ate the reference I'd written down. Your dog ATE it? Yeah, his dog tears papers up. Well, I can believe that. So as I was writing it down again on this week's bulletin, he looks up at me and goes, "are you mad at me?" Um. No. I'm not mad at you. Satisfied, he turned around and got distracted again. I gave him the reference and told him not to let his dog eat it again.

There's something about the way I care about kids like K that is so different from the way I cared about problem sets. It's hard to describe it exactly. It's not that I didn't care about psets in college. In fact, I cared quite a bit. But working with kids and pouring time and energy and thought into them is just different. Somehow, it's more special. Somehow, there are more struggles and more frustrations, but there is just more joy about the whole thing. And it's a good reminder that life is about so much more than problem sets. So will you join me in praying for little K and whoever else God has put on your heart today?


For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast.

Ephesians 2:8-9

*Note, the initial has been changed to protect privacy

To be like a Search and Rescue Dog

Recently, I read this article on a Bretagne, a search and rescue dog that searched for survivors in the 9/11 aftermath.

Lessons from the Charles

So, I realized that I mentioned the "Charles River Lesson" in my last post, and I've never written down what I learned while walking across the Harvard Bridge. So here goes.

Spanish Again

At one of the places where I volunteer, there are sometimes people who need translators. At the end of the day, I was using my now-limited knowledge of Spanish to call people and remind them of their appointments the following week. The manager overheard me calling people and since the official Spanish translators had left, when a patient walked in (and needed to be seen that day), she asked me to help translate. Fortunately, the patient's relative was able to translate most of the doctor's questions, and by the grace of God we somehow made it through - her translating most things and me stepping in for additional clarifications.

...And the Rest of October - Mini Pumpkin Cheesecakes

I ended up baking a few pumpkin-related things the last couple of weeks of October. First, I decided to bake Pumpkin Cheesecake "cupcakes" while skyping with a friend from college.

The batter. It had 3 times as much pumpkin as the recipe called for, hence the really orange color.

Graham crackers pre-mortar+pestle...

The cooled version of "slightly" over mixed cheesecakes. (Apparently, according to the recipe, if you don't over mix the batter and don't open the oven while it's baking, the top won't crack.)

And... my friend received a package a couple of days later. Enjoy your medicine rotation, C! Hope these will help you get through the late nights and constant studying!

October so far...

People say life goes faster and faster as you get older. Maybe that's true. I have been so caught up with keeping up with all the things I have to do, it feels like just yesterday that I last wrote.

There was hiking. Catching up with a friend from college + cool, fresh mountain air was really awesome. The sunlight filtering through the tops of trees, the occasional leaf fluttering to the ground, the ever-disappearing sounds of cars whizzing by on the freeway... it was refreshing to just take a break and get away, even if just for a few hours. 

I worked on parts of a proposal. Yay! And also at the same time, I don't know what I'm doing, help! That was interesting for sure. Thankful for the people who were willing to hear me freak out because I had a deadline and no clue as to what I was doing. Thankful for the ones who could help out - and went out of their way to do so. As time goes on, I am increasingly convinced that community (in so many different contexts) is super important. There's no way I would be able do everything that I need to do by myself.

I started volunteering at a free clinic. I'm hoping that there will be opportunities to get to know the patients and eventually to share the Gospel with them. While I think from a completely secular point of view, it's cool to get a different perspective on healthcare, I also realize that it's about so much more than that. To come alongside these people and provide medical care that they need in an openly Christian environment- it's a wonderful opportunity for the physicians to reach out to and serve others in their community. While what I'm doing isn't necessarily medical in nature, it's work that's needed to keep things running. And besides, I get to talk to the patients. Time to brush up on my Spanish.

In Sunday School, I've been learning how to disciple new believers and practicing sharing my testimony with people who will give me honest feedback about how to make it easier to understand. I'm so thankful for this opportunity. If I only get one chance to tell someone about God and about how He has changed my life, I want to be able to say it in a way that they will understand.

Sunday Night Musings

We've come around to Sunday again. It's been a full week (and weekend). I am now finally done with most of the reorganizing/redecorating for my room for the near future. And as I sit and have a chance to finally catch my breath and think in the stillness with nothing from work crowding in, I think this week will need to be different from last week in more ways than one.

I know we all have bad weeks, but I think this past one was just particularly bad because I felt so tired that I decided to let routine/discipline slip a bit. Either way, lesson learned. That just led to me feeling more exhausted and it was a rather awful positive feedback loop. This week, I will be more deliberate about spending some quiet time in the Word, making an effort to be still and just listen. Funny how it takes effort to slow down and be still. Newton's first law, anyone? That is, until we just break down and can't do it anymore. Anyway, misplaced priorities lead to misplaced attitudes and general misery all around, I'm starting to think.

Sunday School class on making disciples is going well - I'm learning. And being stretched. It is so nice to be able to practice (and work on being less quiet) in a safe environment. So thankful for that. I'd like to learn all that I can over these next few months. And while I'm learning, I'd like to share what I'm learning with others. So, to anyone who's willing to listen/interested, I'd love to pass along what I'm learning... thanks in advance for being patient. Last week was learning about the four general stages of discipleship. This week was about sharing our faith, so today we learned about the Bridge Illustration and associated verses. More on that soon.

 

Steps Challenge

You know how some companies have these "exercise" incentive programs? Well, my company decided to try doing it. Let's just say, since we're doing it in teams, it leads to some pretty hilarious conversations. It's because of the conversion factors, I promise. For example. The conversion factor for golfing? We're pretty sure it's wayyy overcalculating how many steps we're taking. One of my coworkers got 70 k steps for 3 golfing sessions (with one of them using a cart). I don't even know what to say to that. I mean, I barely get 2 k for walking a mile! Clearly, we just all need to plot a team golf outing to up our steps. In all seriousness, though. One thing I've realized is how few steps I take as a working adult in a suburban area, and now I'm consciously trying to up my steps for the day. Walking in place, anyone?

Grocery Shopping

Today I was up early and decided that while I was out, I might as well get some grocery shopping done. And so around 8AM I found myself in a Wegmans. If you ever have the opportunity to get groceries at Wegmans, I highly recommend it... Anyway, it was quiet because at 8AM on a Saturday morning, most people are still at home. There's just something that's so nice about walking into a bright, clean store where there are pretty much all the types of veggies you'll contemplate buying (and the price isn't outrageous). Anyway, I was walking around and thoroughly enjoying the super cold AC and thought back to college. You might have noticed that I still have not quite gotten over the Boston bug. I love that city. (And that's a statement coming from mountains and rolling hills, open-fields-with-two-lane-roads-winding-through-loving me) It's possible that if and when I return, things will be different because the people will be different. But the memories that I have of that city are so overwhelmingly positive despite the lack of AC, despite the long hours of studying, despite all the hard things that I learned and went through. And during the summers, I used to go grocery shopping. Quite often actually. Spoiled by the fact that Shaws was a 5 minute walk in one direction, and Trader Joe's a 10 min walk in the other. Spoiled by the free air conditioning (!) and the freedom that you have when you know you can buy things in small quantities and still not have to worry about making a long trek to buy more food. Grocery shopping to me at that time felt like such a grown-up thing to do. I'd come home from work, change, and walk over to pick up groceries, make dinner, and then do a few things on my computer before calling it an early night.

Fast forward to today. As I wandered around picking up items and putting them in my cart, I was so happy that I could shop without having to worry about carrying it all home. Particularly glad that I didn't have to worry about accidentally cracking 2 dozen eggs. As I decided to try cooking yellow zucchini for the first time, I was thankful that at least for now, I don't have to worry about watching every dollar. I'm fully aware that at some point in the future, I may be counting every last penny, especially if I go back to school. But for today, I was thankful that I could drive to a nearby store, pick up everything from eggs to yellow zucchini to my college staple of frozen broccoli, and come home with enough food for the week.

Penultimate Lesson (for the foreseeable future)

I am pretty sure that none of the kids who will be in class tomorrow will read this, but this is what I would like to say if I could. And if any of you do read this, please know that I have really enjoyed working with you this year. Watching you grow has been a privilege and the highlight of my week. I will miss hearing about your week, burning off some energy in the gym, and of course studying the Bible with you all. I will be praying for each and every one of you - for your continued growth, for you all to discover and follow the plans that God has for your lives. Continue laughing, enjoying every moment of your life, and don't forget to think!

Speaking of thinking... let's talk about tomorrow's lesson. As we've been going through different familiar Bible stories, hopefully you've learned something new from each of them, and at the very least gotten more used to sitting down and reading passages in the Bible, learning to process the verses, thinking as you read. It's a good habit for you to get into, reading your Bible every day. Try to set aside some time- whether it's in the morning or at night, and make quiet time with God a priority. But I digress. Tomorrow we're talking about Daniel. He hasn't ended up in the lion's den yet. Right now, he's just gotten to King Nebuchadnezzar's palace. And, it's kind of like you all starting a new school year with new classmates (and maybe a new school). In Daniel 1:8, it says, "But Daniel made up his mind that he would not defile himself with the king’s choice food or with the wine which he drank; so he sought permission from the commander of the officials that he might not defile himself." A couple of things to note here. 1). He knew it was wrong to eat the food that was provided for him by the king. 2) He had thought about what he'd do ahead of time. 3) He asked for permission to not do what was wrong. In verse 12 we see that he actually came up with a proposal. Instead of just saying, I can't do this or maybe not even saying anything at all, he worked through the problem. Something else to point out here, notice that Daniel and his friends stepped out in faith. They said, “Please test your servants for ten days, and let us be given some vegetables to eat and water to drink. Then let our appearance be observed in your presence and the appearance of the youths who are eating the king’s choice food; and deal with your servants according to what you see.” (Daniel 1: 12, 13) They believed that if they followed God's commands and lived according to His law, that He would be faithful. (We also saw earlier that they were willing to obey God regardless of what happened (Daniel 3: 17-18)) In both stories, we see how God is faithful and saves them. In verse 15, it says, "At the end of ten days their appearance seemed better and they were fatter than all the youths who had been eating the king’s choice food." And in verse 17, "As for these four youths, God gave them knowledge and intelligence in every branch of literature and wisdom; Daniel even understood all kinds of visions and dreams."

Sometimes, we're asked to make hard choices and we are asked to stand up for what we know is right. Sometimes, we'll see God work in big ways like He did for Daniel and his friends. Sometimes, things may not work out the way we had planned. It's important to stand firm and remember though that even when things look like they're going all wrong, God still has a plan. To be doing what's right and remaining in the center of His will is the best and safest place for you to be in your life. As you start school, you may find yourself choosing between doing what's right and what's easy but wrong. It's at times like these that you can ask God for wisdom on how to handle the situation well, and for strength and courage to press on.


Anyway, tomorrow will be the second-to-last Sunday School lesson I will teach for at least a while. I'm going to be taking an elective so instead of teaching Sunday School, I will be going to Sunday School. While I know I'm going to miss the kids, I'm also excited to be able to take a class and learn how to better share my faith.

Blessings

Recently with all that's been in the news about earthquakes, wars, and disease, I've become more aware of just how much I've been blessed with. I don't go to church and worry about being safe. My concerns center on how to get into graduate school. Not whether I can go to school at all. And this week, when the water at my work suddenly turned a milky white color, I was reminded that people around the world are worried about whether their water has dangerous microorganisms. That they worry when their water is a dirty brown. I might not be able to see my fingers if I cup my hand and fill it with the water from the tap, but I'm also not concerned about getting seriously sick after washing my hands with it. I probably wouldn't voluntarily drink it, but I've seen people brush their teeth with no visible ill effects. So where does all this lead me? I'm realizing just how small my problems really are. When I look around, it's easier to put things in perspective. And I'm asking myself - I've been tremendously blessed and I have a lot of resources, so how can I use that which I've been given to bless in turn those who maybe don't have access to everything I do? How can I use what I have to make an impact in the lives of others? More to come on thoughts later, but until then, what can you do with what you have?

Plans

We make plans. Complicated and simple, creative and obvious, our plans range from the smallest of things - what to wear today- to the largest of our short lifetimes - where we will be in 10 years, what we will do in 20 years, and who we will be in 50 years. Recently though, I've been learning what my brain has been taught for years - that our best laid plans are simply drawings in the sand. Prone to shift when the wind changes, blurred by the passage of time. And I'm starting to learn instead that what I need to do is to focus on the present. Yes, prepare for the future, but not necessarily set up and cling to plans. Yes, work hard and think ahead to be ready, but not only ready for what I think is important, but for whatever may come my way. Instead of putting everything on hold for the future, living in the here and now so that I am able to live the life that I have been called to live. Living in the present so that I can invest in people, learn to love the way God loves, and serve Him with whatever it is I do already have. As I look for opportunities to serve with the skills and talents I have right now, I'm realizing how small my problems are. Realizing that people can't afford medical treatment that costs only a few dollars. Realizing just how little a month's worth of wages can be for people in some parts of the world. And instead of just learning about it, I want to do something with what I have been given. Do something with the resources I have and to take action instead of just letting their stories go in one ear and out the other. I want to do something with the enormous blessings that I have been given, to pass it on in whatever manner I can. To be the little boy who gave his five loaves of bread and two fish to God, believing that no matter how small the offering I bring, He can use it to touch the lives of many. I'm not sure what or where I will be called to be in the future, but I know that I am a work in progress and who I am at the end of everything will matter more than how much money I made, how comfortable my life was, or how famous I was.

For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus. 

-- Philippians 1:6        

Glare

As promised (and so I can keep the string of one-word titles going), this is a post on the wonderful, impossible "glare." Let's just say when I lived in the dorms, I was pretty bad at glaring. My floormates would be teasing me about something and I would try so very hard to glare at them, but since I was either laughing or very close to laughing, it was nearly impossible for me to get a legit glare going. Thus, the beginning of the stated "glare." I ended up saying "glare" and pretty much failing completely at the glaring with my face part. Which just made things even funnier. And then I'd end up laughing. I'm not going to say anything about the current state of the glare. Because we all know that there's no reason I should have gotten any better at it over the course of a couple of years. Now if I were truly annoyed, perhaps it wouldn't be so hard to actually glare...

Vocabulary.

Yep, vocabulary. Feels like something I would have written about in high school and studied then as well. But this past week found me going through Barron's Essential Words for the GRE. And now I've gone through and sorted out which ones I do know and which ones I don't. Turns out, going through 100 words a day is totally doable when 1) it's broken up into 10 word segments, 2) you don't have time on your side so it's kind of necessary, 3) that's pretty much what you do when you get home from work. Okay, that last one is kind of an exaggeration. It's been taking me about an hour or two each day depending on my concentration level. After sorting through the list, I now have 166 to review/memorize. Some of my favorite ones... Inchoate, doggerel, and tautology.

Getting Back Up to Run

We pray and we ask God to answer our requests. Sometimes He says yes. Sometimes He says no. Sometimes, He says now is not the time. Right now, the answer to my prayers about school falls in the no/not right now category. I was rejected off the waitlist at one of my top choices. If I had gotten in, I would have found myself starting classes this morning. Instead, today found me at work, today found me coming home, today found me furiously reviewing GRE vocabulary words. You see, it's kind of like when, as a little kid, you're running and you trip. Instead of allowing yourself to lie sprawled out looking up at the sky, trying to register the force of the fall, you take a tumble, use the momentum to keep rolling and roll right back up onto your feet so you can keep running. Someone at church who knows just how badly I wanted to go to school this fall stopped to encourage me yesterday and told me how glad he was that I was so upbeat. To which I could only laugh and say that I was trying. Because, it's true. I am trying to push forward. I am trying to trust that God has a plan that I cannot understand fully at this point in time. It's possible I may never really understand why it is that I didn't get in. And yet, despite the fact that I don't understand, I'm trying to take things one step at a time, going where He leads me. And, I'm not quitting. I'll revise my plan, improve my application, and probably try again next year. Because becoming a doctor and healing the sick is still my dream. Because it's a job that I think would be worth pursuing even if there were no real financial incentive. As far as I can calculate, it's financially better for me to just stick with consulting. But, I'm not in it for the money. And I'm willing to work for it, even if it does take some time to get there. And if, after all that effort and time, I realize that becoming a doctor isn't what God wants me to do, I will have to learn to be okay with that as well. But in the meantime, I will have been running and seeking to be in the center of His will, and I will know that my life has not been wasted. So, right now, I'm trying to roll right back onto my feet and go in the direction that He leads me. And I'm actually kind of excited to see what doors He might open in the near future.

Running and Waiting

Running and Waiting

When the waiting gets too hard

Time spent staring at the clock too long

When weariness overpowers desire

Then I will look upon the Cross 

And remember.

Remember His love, the unfailing love

His grace unending, ever free

His patience yesterday, today, evermore.

Then I will run to the Cross

And hope.

Hope knowing that the battle is already won.

Hope for the day that is yet to come when

All the cares of this world will be as dust - 

carried far away on the four winds...

Hope for the day when I see His face and

Nothing else past, present, future will matter.

So longing for that day when my faith is

Made complete once and for all,

Thus will I press on - in love, through grace

and by faith in search of that which

though as of yet unseen, is most precious.

And so I choose to

Run daily to the foot of the Cross, and there

With humility and gratitude

Lay my burdens and my glories down.

Dog at the Shore

Dog at the Shore

Tail happily wagging

Tongue hanging

It looks up to its master

Adoringly gazing

Looking for approval

As its fur blows in the wind

It takes off running

Running fast and free

So happy and so far

But never happier nor faster

Than when it runs back

Back toward its master who

Smiling, calls him and welcomes him

Into his open arms.

I must have written this sometime freshman year of college on one of the retreats in the fall/winter. I'll leave the interpretation open to the reader...

High School English/Looking Back

I've been finally sorting through some of my high school English notebooks and at once appreciated the exercises my teachers put me through and remembered just how desperate I was to get through those assignments. Junior and Senior year, I had teachers who insisted that we keep a "journal" of sorts. It pretty much consisted of a required x number of entries that could be anything from poetry to random musings. I really began to enjoy writing random free-style poetry Junior year thanks to the fact that I had a wonderful Romanian poet as a teacher who really believed in using anything and everything as creative fodder. (Hence my willingness to ramble and write about any topic.) So, my notebooks are filled with odds and ends of creative writing - much of it poetry that would *ahem* also conveniently fill up multiple lines very quickly. ;) Even though length really didn't matter, just seeing line after line of penciled in scrawls with crossed out words was so satisfying! I've been typing up some of the entries to keep it safe in electronic format in case I should lose the actual notebooks. (Will probably end up sharing them gradually in posts)

It's kind of interesting to look back and see just how much I've changed and yet remained much the same person all at the same time. I think the same voice comes through. The same priorities have remained. And yet, the quirks in my personality have changed, as well as what I think/write about. (I will come back to re-read this sometime in the future and likely make this same comment about the current me.)

These are from the same page Senior year quite close to December seeing how much I have college/Regionals in my mind on the next page.

Bedtime

Yes, it's bedtime. Yes, it's past midnight

Yet, there's a quietness here that I

cannot resist. Those noisy bedtimes

are long gone. The house is still, asleep,

Wrapped in the blanket of night.

So right around bedtime I get out

My red writing notebook and

Blue ink pen, and

Take the time to write.

This one should probably have been in an non-poem format, but it focuses on my journaling time at night, and it reminded me of just how precious those moments were. When the stress and busyness of the day would slip away and I could just have some uninterrupted quiet time...

This next one is quite funny - in retrospect, of course.

Oops

Oops, there's a lot of work due this week

Oops, I haven't started some of it

Oops, the stress is piling up

Oops what should I do because as you know

Oops isn't a happy word when you've got work due.

This Weekend

This weekend, in no particular order, I slept in on Saturday morning, enjoyed the sun, kicked back, and took naps. I trained a college summer volunteer at the hospital, taught Sunday School (where I was repeatedly reminded of how energetic 5th and 6th graders can be). I saw the second goal by Switzerland within the last 20 seconds of the match, then I saw the hole-in-one by Zach Johnson during the US Open, watched France beat Honduras, and the Spurs win the NBA Finals. I had a wonderful time chatting with one of my best friends. Oh, and I cleaned my room some more. This weekend was awesome. Not necessarily because I did anything awesome, but because taking a break to relax was such a welcome change.

To A Hurting Friend

Do you remember the times we went running along the Esplanade over the summer? This was the summer of 2012 and the brick high-rise was unbearably hot. In the shade of the trees lining the Boston side of the Charles, there was usually a breeze and it was refreshingly cool. Do you remember the conversations we had then - about life, about dealing with hard things, about faith? I wish I could be back in Boston running along the Esplanade now, talking to you about these things once more for what I told you then still holds so true today.

You told me recently that you feel so lost, unsure of who you are in light of recent events. You said you feel so empty. How you used to love and hope but now it all just feels so pointless. How, you asked, are you supposed to deal with all the hurt that you're feeling? Can you remember what I shared with you two years ago about faith and how it helps me to get through the tough times? I told you then that if we build our identity on our accomplishments, on our relationships with others, even on who we perceive ourselves to be - we will be hopelessly lost. There is no constancy within ourselves - even if that were something that we were striving towards. Take a step back and think about it. As a society we focus so much on bettering ourselves in one way or another because we perceive that there's something still missing about us - we see that none of us is perfect. That's why I think it's so important to find meaning in life outside of ourselves.

You told me before that you acknowledge the fact that Christ died for your sins. But could I ask you to take a deeper look at what that really means for you, personally? If He is our savior- and I believe that He is - what difference does that make for our lives? Let the weight of His love overwhelm you. Think about it - God the Father was willing to send His only Son to this world, broken and full of hurting people, to die and take the punishment for our sins Himself so that we might have a relationship with Him. We were designed to have a relationship with Him and each of us decided to rebel and try to do things our own way. Without Him then, we will always feel empty and that vacancy in our hearts can never be quite filled with anything this world has to offer. Because He is perfect and nothing in this world is. If we look for security in any relationship apart from one with God, we will be let down each time. No matter how much both parties love each other, no matter how much each cares for the other, we can never perfectly exemplify true love. There are many beautiful glimpses that we get of love on this earth because we were made in God's image. But to experience perfect love, we need to go back to the One who is perfect. His love is unfailing, unconditional, and perfectly strong. We have a savior who is not only able to save us but to understand us. He knows the pain of betrayal - because He was himself betrayed by those closest to Him. He knows how hard it is to get through life. And yet He loved us even when He knew the cruelty of the human heart. He loves so much more deeply that we can dare to love those around us. So it is when we have complete security in Christ that we can open up our hearts to love others around us. It is when we have the reassurance that we are held in His hands that we can be vulnerable enough to feel again. Everything in this world is not out to hurt you, but it can be hard to open up again once you have been hurt. Yet imagine the loneliness of a life lived by yourself within a thin protective shell that you build up to prevent yourself from getting hurt.

I've told you this before. I really am convinced that those who feel more deeply not only have the capacity to enjoy life more but also to get hurt more. So I'm praying that you will run to Jesus and find meaning for your life in Him. That you would be able to find your identity in who you are in Christ - not based on what you have done but on what He has done for you. That you would trust Him completely and allow Him to fill the emptiness that you've found in yourself. That you would let His love and grace heal your broken heart. That you would learn and take to heart the Biblical meaning of hope - not a "fingers crossed" type of hope - but a steady anticipation of things yet to come knowing that the victory has already been won. Placing your life in God's hands, knowing that He is far greater than we ever will be, stronger than we could imagine but more gentle with us than we could ever be. That by finding your purpose and security in Christ, you would be freed to love others and to feel deeply once again, enjoying life the way you were made to live.

Doodle #2

Bird in a Tree

Bird sitting in a tree happy as can be. Amidst the scrawls intended to represent leaves, quite well hidden I believe...

Media: Fountain pen with Noodler's black bulletproof ink on acid-free sketchbook paper

On Sunday School

I’ve been helping out with Sunday School at my church. There are approximately somewhere between half a dozen to a dozen 5^th and 6^th graders that show up on a given week, and it has been absolutely wonderful working with them. It has been a privilege to teach them about defending their faith – about learning more about what it really means to be a Christian so that their faith is theirs, not that of their parents, not simply a canned set of answers to questions that they’ve heard at church. It’s been fascinating to see how their minds work to process new concepts, and I’m always amazed by how they are able to simplify and capture the true essence of what they’re learning in just a few words. It’s humbling to see how open they are to sharing their faith with friends and classmates – none of this worrying about how others will react just yet. Each week they challenge me – without even knowing it – to grow in my faith, to ask more questions, to take all that I learn to heart. And when they ask me questions, it forces me to really process the abstract concepts so that I can come up with a concrete example that they can understand. I’m starting to understand why Jesus used a lot of parables even with grown-ups. When we have a concrete example, an application, something that we can relate to, whatever we are learning at the moment becomes so much more real and it becomes ours.

By watching Mr. L lead the class, I’ve learned a lot about structuring content and asking questions to guide kids to the answer. And I’ve appreciated his support as I’ve tried to learn how to teach. Several of the key lessons so far:

•  Prepare a lot and expect to cover about 10% of what you’ve prepared.  
• Always. Always. Always provide a real-world analogy. Example: explaining that the authors of the Gospels likely have slightly different accounts because they had different perspectives probably won’t get across too well. What might work: tell them to imagine that people are standing on different corners of an intersection when a red car hits a white car. When the policemen interview them about what happened, witness 1 says one of the drivers was wearing black shoes. Witness 2 says that one of the drivers was wearing a baseball cap. However, the important question is whether the red car hit the white car or whether it was the other way around. If the witnesses disagree on which car hit the other, we’ve got a problem.
•  Stay away from abstract concepts. If you find yourself heading down the path that leads to an explanation of what is circular logic, RUN.

Yesterday was the last class for the school year. Next week, I will set out to try and teach this group of happy, curious, fidgeting kids without Mr. L. I expect to be stretched. I expect it to be a very humbling experience, and I expect it to be hard. All prayers would be much appreciated.

On DailyPosts

Many of the posts that are popping up will be tagged “DailyPost” so I thought I'd give a little bit of an explanation about what it is. Several of my friends and I have been talking for a while about doing things together even though we’re remote. One of my close friends, Liz, and I have been reading a book together. Others have been trying to work on projects. (And I say trying because despite our best intents and efforts, we’ve all been busy…) Liz and I have been talking about posting things regularly and keeping each other accountable about it. (As well as about reading the Bible, but more on that later.) So, when P and I thought it would be cool to do something like that as well, I decided it was time to actually try it to see whether I could do just a tiny post every day, or at least almost every day. Some days I just don’t get online at all so the post belonging to that day will show up later. (I’m still counting it as “working” if I have 14 posts after 14 days.) So far, one clear benefit has been a sharp decrease in the amount of TV that I watch. DailyPosts will probably entail either drawing an animal or writing something with way too many adjectives. Maybe it will even lead to an improvement in the stick figure qualities of my drawings J

Saturday's Quickie Dinner

Ingredients: chicken, onions, bell peppers, salsa, corn tortillas, spices, a little bit of oil to keep the chicken from sticking to the pan

Please excuse the paper plate and inattention to the presentation of the food. After a long day, I figured if it tasted good, I really didn't care about how it looked. And, yep. I didn't want to do extra dishes.

The Week in Review: Friday, May 30th

1.          I spent lots of time hanging out with my brother. Not so great at videogames having never really played them all my life… we got stuck on one particular level (Super Mario Brothers Wii) and it was primarily a combination of me bubbling across the screen/ falling into the liquid fire… Something about the music for that level is just unnerving and I fall even when it’s a perfectly easy jump I’d be fine with on any other sunny level.
2.            It rained. A LOT.
3.            Work observation of the week: Sometimes where you get career-wise isn’t only about the work you do but whether you’re able to present your skills and deliverables well, all while getting along with others. I’m learning a lot by watching my coworkers. Maybe someday I’ll write in more detail about it.

Doodle #1

Frankie the hedgehog enjoying the sun

Because it's been really rainy here and because I could use a couple days of kicking back on the beach with a nice cold cup of lemonade...

Media: Fountain pen with Noodler's bulletproof black ink on acid-free sketchbook paper

Scribble #1

Media: Fountain pen with Noodler's bulletproof black ink on acid-free sketchbook paper

A Night Breeze

Looking up at the sky, I could make out Orion, sparkling dimly against a brightly lit horizon. As I stood on a little pier, the moist sea breeze brushing my face, I could hear the water lapping against the shore. And off in the distance, I could see large ships and the bright headlights of cars that occasionally turned and cast a beam like a searchlight in a wide arc across the cove. Yet with all the distance that the light travelled, the sound of the cars was muted and I was surrounded by the peaceful sound of bubbles that rose to the surface of the water and burst, creating ripples that grew out gently and then faded into the shadows. At the end of the pier below the wooden paneling hung a green light whose eerie glow slowly attracted a swirling cloud of what appeared to be tiny minnows. When they had been scooped up with a net and dumped on the dock, however, they were found to be little worms whose rapid wriggling had created the illusion of fish darting left and right. And as I stood on the pier overlooking the Chesapeake, I wondered if the green light made so famous in The Great Gatsby had had that same effect – attracting things that were not as they initially appeared from a distance, things that were masked by a seeming calm and pervading sleepiness. 

Sometimes

Sometimes

Sometimes I like to sit and listen --
    to the silence that surrounds
Sometimes I like to jump and yell --
    let my excitement loose
Sometimes I feel very much alone --
    lost in my thoughts and work
Sometimes I feel God's comfort --
    held through the darkest storm
Sometimes I find fulfillment --
    meaning in the work I do
Sometimes I find frustrations --
    setbacks every which way I turn
Sometimes I am motivated --
    energized to run every race
Sometimes I am tired by everything --
    wearied by the noise and distractions

Yet at the end of each and every day
I can hear the still, quiet voice and know
I can find joy and comfort --
Not in my feelings, accomplishments, surroundings --
But rather in the constancy of God.

On Competitiveness and Comparisons

I don't know about you, but I have this problem. It's called comparing myself to other people. I'll be the first to admit that I'm competitive. I used to be the kid who got really upset when I messed up on math drills and took a longer time to finish than I had before. Read: I always wanted to be breaking my own records. (Getting upset about math drills is no longer a problem...) I was the seventh grade girl trying to outrun eighth grade boys. Sometimes I won and sometimes I lost. Fast forward 10 years, and if it's true that experience is a good teacher, it's equally true that some habits die hard. I think being competitive can be great - if channeled correctly. But. Sometimes that competitiveness makes me compare myself to others around me. Why are they getting into really awesome graduate schools when I am still waiting for news? If I let myself find my significance and my identity in my accomplishments, it's honestly a bleak picture. There will always be someone better than me in some area. However, if I let myself find my significance in who I am in Christ, that changes things drastically. I'm so thankful that Peter asked Jesus questions that I find myself asking 2000+ years later. Peter is walking with Jesus after His resurrection, and he's just been forgiven for denying Him. And not only that, but he's called by Jesus to follow Him! Then, Peter turns around and sees another disciple and asks, "Lord, and what about this man?" (John 21:21) That. Totally what I want to ask when I'm looking at other people and the successful lives they lead. 

Jesus's response was perfect 2000 years ago and equally perfect today. "...what is that to you? You follow Me!" Such a good reminder that I am called to follow Him. If I am where He wants me to be, living the life that He has called me to lead, that is all that I ought to seek. Regardless of where I end up next year, this is what I choose to hold dear and listen to above all else - His call and His call alone.