Letting Go

I was telling one of my friends during the semester that it's really hard for me to actually let go of stuff. It's easy for me to say okay, God, I'm letting go of all of this. But then, I turn around and find myself thinking about it within two seconds. It's really hard to just say, "here's the situation, and I need You to come through because I can't do this by myself- and then leave it at that." I always want to follow it up with one of my "solutions" which often ends up either making matters worse, or leaving me extra stressed rather unnecessarily. This isn't to say in any way that we shouldn't do our best, or that we can neglect our responsibilities. That's part of the challenge- knowing how to balance responsibility with trust.

I think it's kind of like when we were young and we tried to do something that our parents asked us to do. We did the task as well as we could and we looked to our parents to do the things that we couldn't. My parents didn't criticize the job that I'd done so long as I had done the best that I could, even though I realize a lot of those jobs that I did as a kid probably meant extra work for my parents. And as a kid, I always trusted that my parents would take care of making sure that things came out all right in the end. Our parents challenged us to do our best and try again when we messed up- because that's how we learned. 

I think it's similar to the way we learn now. We try to obey God, but we're not perfect and so things often don't go the way they should. But He's patient with us, and He wants us to learn, much as our parents did when we were younger. However, now we're older, and unfortunately oftentimes that means that we're also a lot more self-conscious. We care about making our work perfect and we feel like we're responsible for how it turns out. That's not entirely a bad thing, especially since adults are supposed to be responsible. It does turn into a bad thing when that desire to be responsible prevents us from trusting God. Let's face it. We're human, and we're not perfect. We'll never achieve perfection on our own. We can try for a million years and never get there. Or, we can trust in a perfect God to take care of the problems that we can't take care of on our own. Not to mention that trusting Him is part of what He has called us to do.

Learning to Live and Let Go

I feel like a lot of the lessons I've been learning this past semester can be grouped under one theme: learning to live and let go. For some reason, I have a feeling that this theme isn't going to go away anytime soon. I have a hard time letting go of things. I think as human beings, it's really natural for us to want a sense of control. Having that sense of control- whether it's real or not- apparently lowers our stress level, or at least so I learned in Psychology. Wanting to have that control over some, if not every aspect of our lives is something that I think most of us have to deal with.


Sometimes I wonder what really living life would be like. I think about the different things that I have to deal with on an everyday basis, and I wonder if it's possible to get away from all that seems to be holding me back from really living life to its fullest. I wonder what God's plan for my life is- and whether I'm living it the way He wants me to. I wonder whether He wants me to get more out of life than I'm currently getting- with what I have. Usually, I come to the conclusion that I'm not really living life- at least not the way God wants me to. Unfortunately, much of the time, I'm just kind of tolerating things and going from day to day looking so far into the future that I miss what I have right in front of me.


Since there are so many things that all relate to this really broad topic, I'm posting this as a sort of "introduction" to where I'm coming from on this. I have a lot to learn, and as you might have picked up from my posts so far, I think God uses people to teach me lessons quite often (rather unsurprising). So for those of you who provide feedback and support when I'm dealing with issues and just working through things- thank you. What you say really helps a lot. These posts are meant as a means to share what I've learned from those situations with you, especially if I never got around to a long follow-up conversation. :)

Visit to the Museum of Fine Arts (5/30/2012)

The gallery is silent, clean. Wood flooring vibrates with the muted thudding of curious onlookers. Slow steps, the swish of jeans, whispered conversations. Art showcased within a work of art. Lighting calculated to bring out just those little details that make the paintings and sculptures things of grandeur. The colors of the walls likewise coordinated to complement the paintings.

In front of me is a painting of vivid red sun, its colors splayed across sky and sea in a tremendous display. Rays of sunlight paint all that it would touch to create texture, beauty. And here, opposite, is a painting depicting the other side of nature. The dark, threatening skies, full grey clouds that hang low and skim the surface of the choppy seas. The seas are themselves an uneasy tangle of white-crested waves closing in on the shore. Those waters a deep, blue-green color that is at once peaceful and fear-inspiring. All of these elements are overlaid against a background of lighter sandy and rocky shore, lined with towering sandstone cliffs. 

Yet from other wings of the gallery, time calls. The frescoes of ancient Greece and Rome have lasted throughout the ages to come to us today, to tell the story of a civilization long since gone. The lone soldier, spear in hand standing guard over the museum rotunda. Encased by a panel of glass in an alcove, unable to spring to action should the need arise, but keeping vigil all the same.


A few steps further and I reach the open courtyard. A high ceiling and tall glass walls showcase a cafeteria of white. Vivaldi plays as visitors crane their necks upward to take in the sight of a green towering plant- made of glass. This spiky column, courtesy of Chihuly, is tall enough that cables must provide support at the top. Ironic that a glass imitation of nature should be placed on a pedestal and admired when the real, more intricate plants struggle to survive just beyond the glass boundaries. From my perch on a small black bench by the window I can see plants that are walled in by bricks on three sides and glass on the other. These walls tower and block out sunlight so vital for their survival. Why not admire the intricacies of a plant that, without man-made instructions, will grow from a tiny seed that does not even begin to point at its potential for grandeur? But this is the Museum of Fine Arts, where the works that are praised are those that have been designed by man and created through the instructions of man. So I sit here and ponder these things until it is time to leave. And I wonder how many other beautiful things I miss in life all because I do not pay attention. 

Going Forth

It's a time of transition for a lot of people. Whether temporary or permanent, changes come at the beginning of summer. I was talking to one of my friends a few days ago who initially came in as a 2012 but will be graduating later. He said that as he saw all his friends graduating, he couldn't help but think of "what could have been." 


I remember telling him that we shouldn't focus on "what could have been" but rather on "what can be and is yet to come." And then I started wondering whether I follow that line of reasoning myself. Oftentimes, I play a game of "let's fiddle around with variables" in my head. It's something fun to do when you're bored and you're playing entirely for amusement purposes (ie. not about anything serious). But I know it's dangerous to wander in this realm for too long or to delve too deep. By playing this game, I often manage to discourage myself. So I asked myself why I play this game. Part of it is probably wishful thinking, but I think the more subtle, but serious, reason is that it's easier than just trying to work with what I've got in the present. It's so much easier for me to say, "well if ____ had gone better in the past, then the current situation would be taken care of," and just ignore the fact that most of the time, I can take steps to work with what I've got. 


So as we all go into summer- whether we're excited about how things wrapped up, just relieved it's all over, or frustrated with some aspect of this past semester- I'm hoping that we can learn to focus on the present and not too much on the past. (Please feel free to continually challenge me to do this ;) ).  

Goodbyes

School's out for the summer, and everyone's dispersed to the four corners of the earth, or so it seems. Originally, I meant to write this post about learning to say goodbye to our friends who are graduating. Honestly, I think it was tough for a lot of people to say goodbye, myself included. The seniors who were graduating, unfortunately had the most goodbyes to say. One of my senior friends told me that it was almost easier not to see someone one last time than to have to really say goodbye. That made me wonder how often I say goodbye and don't really mean it. I tend to think of goodbye as the "I'll see you soon, hope everything's well when I see you next." But if I step back and take another look, that's just not what it really is. 


The word "goodbye", it has a sense of finality to it. And sometimes, that could just be the last word we say to someone. I said goodbye to most of my friends with the full expectation that I'll be seeing them again sometime in the near future. And to be honest, that's probably exactly how it'll turn out. For that, I couldn't be more thankful. Recently, someone posted a quote by Jay Erickson, and it really got me thinking. Jay and Katrina Erickson were missionaries who were killed in a plane crash recently. Listen to what Jay had to say in his late April post, "...there is nothing sad about the death of a Christian. The only sadness (and I do not intend to belittle this aspect) is in the loss of companionship by those left behind. And yet to contrast this, the level of tragedy is so vast for the passing of an unbeliever." 


Those words got me thinking. Not about death quite so much as about the "goodbyes" that I've said recently. Yes, most of my friends are Christians, and I know that I will see them again one day. Yet, what of those who are not? What if that last hug, that last smile, that last goodbye really is permanent? It's a scenario that I'd like to deny, but reality won't just go away because I ignore it. Goodbyes are hard when they're semi-permanent. How much harder would they be if we knew that they were eternal? Right now, there are some goodbyes that I left on the table when school got out. I feel like this is something that I'm being called to address both through prayer and through action. Are there any that you need to take care of as well? 

Graduation (6/8/2012)

My school had its commencement ceremony Friday. The weather couldn't have been better. With clear, blue skies, a gentle breeze to cool off those caught sitting under the sun, and a happy occasion at hand, most attendees found yesterday to be a really great day. I joke about wanting to skip my own graduation so I can somehow forgo roasting in a black robe under the midday sun but I'm glad none of my friends decided to do that. Really, I did enjoy being able to attend their graduation. It was special to be there with my friends when they officially got their degrees and closed the college chapter of their lives. (I know that they were relieved to finally be done!) 

To the 2012 graduates: you all looked really awesome Friday. Many of you have been my closest friends for a while now and I'm a little sad to see you leave. God bless, wherever you may be and I'll be praying that you grow closer in your walk with Him each day! 

Welcome

If you're wondering about the name of this blog, and what "psets" refers to, I'd love to explain. I've started this blog as a way to share what I've been learning and thinking about, along with some fun writing (when I do get the chance to take out my pen and jot some things down). I've learned a lot in my years at college, but not all of it has been academic. In fact, I'd even dare to say that most of the really important lessons that I'll keep coming back to aren't about science, engineering, or the humanities. It's about people, it's about life, and most importantly, it's about who God is and how we can live in a personal relationship with Him. 


Psets, as they are commonly referred to at my school, are "problem sets" (also known as homework). When there's more work to do than you think you could possibly finish, it's really easy to lose sight of the fact that life isn't simply about getting that next assignment completed perfectly. It is important to work hard and do the best that we can- in order to glorify God. But too often, my friends and I find that we've spent so much effort focusing on the first part that we've lost sight of the more important end goal. 


There's just so much more to life than work and success- if only we'll stop for long enough to see the beauty around us. Besides, how do we really define success? (But that's an entirely different conversation best left for later.) When I say that life isn't only about work, I'm talking to myself just as much as to anyone else. This is something that God has been working on in me because if I'm honest with myself, I never outgrew that little kid who hated to lose. I'm still learning a lot each day and hope that by sharing what I'm learning, it'll help others out there too. It's true - we gain a lot by being in community with each other. So please, feel free to comment and share your thoughts as well! Here's to learning to really live a life of more than just psets.