To Run With a Purpose

My favorite movie of all time is Chariots of Fire. And, seeing as how the floor can get pretty quiet and lonely- as it was today, I decided to put on a movie while doing work. One of the reasons that I like this movie so much is that it's a really good reminder of how we should be living our lives. I think my favorite quote from the movie is when Eric is explaining to his sister Jenny why he's choosing to spend so much time training. He says, 

"I believe that God made me for a purpose- for China, but He also made me fast. And when I run, I feel His pleasure. To give that up would be to hold Him in contempt. You were right, it’s not just fun. To win is to honor Him." 

It's a good reminder to keep running the race even when things get tough. To know that God has a plan and to go wherever He leads us. To remember our main purpose on earth - to glorify God. The world does need "muscular Christians" as it's termed in the movie. People who are willing to stick to their beliefs - calm and respectful, but nevertheless unwavering. People who don't compromise their beliefs for convenience or popularity's sake. Individuals who are willing to step out in faith and make a difference. People who are willing to take the talents that God has given them to make an impact. Those who excel so that the world does stand back and notice. But humble individuals who don't seek the attention that the world craves. Christians who use their accomplishments not as a means for building up their ego, but rather as a way to point to Christ and say, "Look at what He has done in my life!" 

In the midst of everything, let's not forget about enjoying that relationship with Christ. How wonderful it is that we have a direct, personal relationship with the God of the universe! And how awesome is it that when our hearts are in tune with His, we can really enjoy every moment that we live here on earth secure in His arms? That we might run each day for His honor and His glory- and to feel His pleasure! 

"... let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith..." 

-- Hebrews 12: 1-2

A Little Reminder

I live in a corner room that looks out over the Charles. One of my favorite things in the world is sunrises. And from my room, if I wake up in time, I can see the sun lighting up the sky behind the Boston skyline until everything gets brighter and the first rays of light burst out from behind the buildings. There's nothing quite like waking up and seeing the sun rise until sunlight streams into my room. Anyway, this morning I didn't wake up in time to see the sun rise, but I did get to see birds flying by and landing in the branches of a tree that's outside my window. And for a brief moment, I thought to myself that life must be so much simpler for those little birds. No stress about exams, grades, grad schools. But then a verse popped into my head. I thought it was a good reminder for me, so I decided to share it here:

"Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they?" -Matt 6:26

Reading the rest of the passage was really good too. Fittingly, it's titled The Cure for Anxiety. I could definitely use some of that around here right about now.

Cranberry...apple? Bread

So, I saw a bag of cranberries at the store and decided to buy them and try one of the recipes on the bag. Definitely didn't expect it to turn out quite as well as it did. It's a really simple recipe (thanks, Ocean Spray!) and by modifying it just a tad, I've gotten it to be free of a lot of common food allergens. Sorry, it still has eggs. Anyway, here's the recipe:

2 cups flour (I use King Arthur's gluten-free multi-purpose)
1 cup sugar (I used brown sugar) (This recipe tends to come out more on the tart side. Definitely meant to be eaten with something sweet. If you like your bread sweeter, I'd probably add about an extra 1/2 cup to 3/4 cup or use a sweeter juice. Mine wasn't that sweet.)
1 1/2 tsp baking powder (the first time I misread this and hastily scooped out half of the baking soda I'd added on accident. Oops!)
1 tsp salt
1/2 tsp baking soda
3/4 cup apple cider
2 tbsp vegetable oil
1 egg, beaten
1.5+ cups cranberries- translation: a lot of cranberries, chopped approximately in halves...

I've dropped the grated orange peel and chopped nuts that the original recipe calls for. The apple cider is also a substitution for orange juice.

Preheat oven to 350 F. Mix all the dry ingredients together, then add oil, juice, and egg. Mix well, then add cranberries. With gluten-free flour, I usually try and add a bit more air into the batter so that it isn't so dense, but I'm not sure if it makes any difference mixing it that way. Usually comes out good, so I haven't bothered changing the way I mix things. Lightly grease 9x5 pan. Bake for 55 minutes (according to the original recipe) typically gluten-free stuff takes longer to bake. Use toothpicks to be sure. The top should get pretty brown but not super brown. My floormates and I are usually too impatient to let it cool for 15 minutes, but that's what the recipe calls for. It keeps pretty well in the refrigerator for at least a week- if it lasts that long. On a floor with lots of hungry college students, things typically don't survive for that long. Enjoy!

little note: this bread does end up on the crumbly end of breads... still trying to figure out a way to get it to stick together better. Would appreciate help on this one! (I tried making banana bread and that turned out really well, but I'm hesitant to put bananas into a cranberry bread cause I feel like that might kill the flavor a bit...)

Another little note: Adding in more eggs seemed to make it fluffier and stick together better...

Leisure.

There's nothing quite so nice as a little breather from the endless stream of work. Not to say that the work has disappeared over the four-day weekend in the least, but I have just a little bit of time to step away and take a break. Spread my grading over three days rather than two. Go grocery shopping. Sleep in. Enjoy the weather. Forget about looking for jobs while I sleep. Catch a football game while working. Yell when the quarterback throws a really nice pass, groan when the receiver lets the ball just slip through his hands. Actually make dinner. Savor a cup of freshly brewed coffee.

I ran into one of my friends at church today. It was a good reminder of how God moves in our lives, orchestrates our movements before we even know where we're going. It was also a really good reminder of how God changes our hearts through His amazing love and grace. Things that I want to remember even on busier weekends. Sharing our lives with others, taking life as He guides us, and sharing the Gospel when we are given the opportunity to do so. Enjoying life.

I went for a little run tonight as the sun set. Just me. Hair blowing in the wind. And the wind - just cool enough to be refreshing - blowing in my face. The soft thud of running shoes hitting concrete. And just really loving all of it. Wanting to run and never let the moment fade.

Today I actually had  a chance to let my emotions actually go instead of keeping them under tight control to focus on getting my work done. Let myself actually be me. The crazy, energetic, chase one of my floormates down 5 flights of stairs and then back up just because I can me. Sit down, write for fun while listening to some of my favorite Christian bands me. And of course the me that is procrastinating on going to bed even though I have an interview tomorrow morning. I really like the feeling of letting my personality show through instead of being the tightly wound work machine that I sometimes feel like I become during the school year. Taking a deep breath, relaxing. Today really was such a nice day. Thank you, God.

Reference Point

I’ve been building things at work. Like modeling in SolidWorks and then milling and drilling aluminum building. Sometimes, though, things don’t always fit. There was the time that the holes were drilled about 2 mm too close to each other. It (rather embarrassingly) took me about 2 hours to try and fix it by using larger drill bits offset slightly from the center (a practice that I would not encourage, as it’s not very efficient). The final product looked… well, let’s not go there. But it worked! Maybe not as well as it could have had it been done correctly the first time, but sufficiently well to get everything working. Every little step- scoring to mark the center of the hole, center punching, center drilling, and then drilling- had its own margin of error. It looked small, but those errors kept compounding. Not pretty. So when it came time to double check all the dimensions, I didn’t base anything off of a previous step. I went back to the original. So that I could make the real thing my reference point.

I think life is kind of similar. We base our decisions and our values off of a foundation. And then if we switch what we’re comparing everything to, everything shifts just a tiny bit. And the next one a bit more. And so on until we wake up one day and wonder how we ever got here. I think it can also happen not only with decisions. Say we’re trying to learn more about God, about our faith. We read books that other people have written based off of what they’ve learned from the Bible. And I think that’s totally great! We can learn a lot from other people. What I think is dangerous is when we take those books and make them the only thing we read and give them as much importance as the original reference point. We need to take those things that we learn and always be comparing it to what the Bible says. Our frame of reference will always be shifting if we base things off of other people. I think it’s a good idea to make sure that we’re constantly referencing the original frame of reference- one that is based off of One who is constant and sure. That way, when we’re done building, we can look back and see something that has straight walls and a solid foundation. Only when we’re using the correct frame of reference can we really walk the way we’ve been called to walk. 

Life Is Beautiful

Life is Beautiful. How often do we see that phrase? There are movies, songs, wall decorations, and probably much much more that bear these three words. Seeing it around me so much makes me want to dismiss it as a mere platitude. But I can’t. Because, truth be told- it’s not. Stop and think about it for just a moment- let the meaning of those three words really sink in. Life. Alive, breathing, vibrant. Is. Current, not was, not will be, but right now. Beautiful. Maybe something that words can’t describe, something that’s breathtaking, something special that makes our hearts soar.

One of my favorite songs is titled “Life is Beautiful” and it’s by The Afters (Ironically, I’m listening to it on repeat right now and it’s my most-played song in recent memory.) I would have thought that by now I would have tired of this song. Somehow, I haven’t. Listen to one of the stanzas:

Living and dying
Laughing or crying
If we have the whole world or have nothing
I know there are long nights
But we'll make it
With every sunrise comes a new light
And all of the things
That make us feel like we have it all

It’s not to say that life isn’t hard. Beauty isn’t found only in the easy things in life. But we have hope- that which gets us through the hard parts, urging us onward. We have the promise of love. The love of those around us, and still if everyone deserts, the love of a God who calls us His children. We are precious in His sight, and that knowledge of His love makes our hearts soar higher than we could dream.

So what makes life beautiful? I think that it’s only beautiful because God has made it beautiful for us. He gives us His love. He gives us His grace to get through the day. He gives us hope for tomorrow and the day after that- and then beyond all the way into infinity. He opens our eyes to see those little details (like sunrises, birds’ nests with baby birds chirping, bunnies calmly munching clover a few feet away) to remind us that there’s more to life than just the harsh reality we sometimes feel envelops us. There’s so much beauty in everything around us.

Isn’t it interesting though, that what we focus on the most when we say “Life is Beautiful” isn’t really cool scenes from nature which we all acknowledge to be beautiful? We focus on friendships, family, relationships. Things we do with people, for people, just enjoying their company. And I think that’s significant. We emphasize the beauty of that because it reflects the reason that we find life to be beautiful. We are social beings and we depend on each other for relationships because we were created that way. We were created with the potential for such great relationships- with each other, but especially with God. And when we see just a little glimpse of that which can be- and that which Christians believe is and is more fully yet to be- that’s when we say life is beautiful.

Life IS beautiful. I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s only that way because God makes it something worth calling beautiful. Something worth cherishing and something worth fighting for. So let’s stop merely going along with all that life brings. Let’s engage and really live it- the way we were created to live. 

Attitude

I initially intended to focus on work in this post because it's taken up a big chunk of my time within the past few weeks. Then I decided that there's a lot more involved than just work. That's why I decided to focus on "attitude."


According to Google Dictionary, attitude is "A settled way of thinking or feeling about someone or something typically one that is reflected in a person's behavior." 


A way of thinking about something that's reflected in my behavior. When I'm faced with long hours at a job that is completely (well, almost) new, I find myself focusing so much on the hard stuff that I miss all the parts that make it great. I've been learning a lot this summer- and getting to work on skills that I had meant to (and wanted to) develop for a while. I didn't know how I would go about doing that though, and definitely didn't expect to have a chance to learn those things this summer at the very least. But I do get to this summer! And that's truly a blessing. 


In light of all the good things that I have at work, I feel like I should have a better attitude towards it. Instead of focusing on how hard it is to learn all these things and still get my work done, I could be thankful for the fact that I get to finally learn Solidworks, that I have friends I can bug when I get stuck, and that I get to design things. Oh, and 3D print in neon yellow. Seriously, everything's better when the colors are bright. Instead of complaining about the hours that I put in (totally self-inflicted I'm starting to think, by the way...) I could be thankful that my lab is a place where I feel safe so that I can put in those hours. I could be thankful that I have enough energy and strength to get through the day. Life isn't easy. It can be easier to deal with if my attitude towards hard things is positive. 


Then there's the non-work aspect of life. In spending time with some of my friends who are going through a rough time, I'm starting to really understand our need for community. We need people to lean on and people to support. That's how we grow and I think that's also how we just get through life in general. It's not easy trying to be there and be supportive. I think that's why attitude is also just that important. Unless I, in my heart, am approaching everything with an attitude of thankfulness and bringing everything to God for Him to take care of, I won't be able to handle the pressure. My attitude has to be one of just passing on the love and grace that God gives me instead of trying to come up with it of my own accord. Any love that I try to supply myself won't be the same love that I receive so bountifully from Christ. And as for caring- there's an upper limit and a lower limit of sorts. Here's what I mean. We need to care about others. I think we'll all agree on that. That's the lower limit. But at the same time, I think there's a point at which we can care about someone or something too much and that becomes not only unhealthy, but also unsustainable. We're not perfect, infinite creatures. Only One can care infinitely, and the good news is that He has cared for us that much. 

Letting Go

I was telling one of my friends during the semester that it's really hard for me to actually let go of stuff. It's easy for me to say okay, God, I'm letting go of all of this. But then, I turn around and find myself thinking about it within two seconds. It's really hard to just say, "here's the situation, and I need You to come through because I can't do this by myself- and then leave it at that." I always want to follow it up with one of my "solutions" which often ends up either making matters worse, or leaving me extra stressed rather unnecessarily. This isn't to say in any way that we shouldn't do our best, or that we can neglect our responsibilities. That's part of the challenge- knowing how to balance responsibility with trust.

I think it's kind of like when we were young and we tried to do something that our parents asked us to do. We did the task as well as we could and we looked to our parents to do the things that we couldn't. My parents didn't criticize the job that I'd done so long as I had done the best that I could, even though I realize a lot of those jobs that I did as a kid probably meant extra work for my parents. And as a kid, I always trusted that my parents would take care of making sure that things came out all right in the end. Our parents challenged us to do our best and try again when we messed up- because that's how we learned. 

I think it's similar to the way we learn now. We try to obey God, but we're not perfect and so things often don't go the way they should. But He's patient with us, and He wants us to learn, much as our parents did when we were younger. However, now we're older, and unfortunately oftentimes that means that we're also a lot more self-conscious. We care about making our work perfect and we feel like we're responsible for how it turns out. That's not entirely a bad thing, especially since adults are supposed to be responsible. It does turn into a bad thing when that desire to be responsible prevents us from trusting God. Let's face it. We're human, and we're not perfect. We'll never achieve perfection on our own. We can try for a million years and never get there. Or, we can trust in a perfect God to take care of the problems that we can't take care of on our own. Not to mention that trusting Him is part of what He has called us to do.

Learning to Live and Let Go

I feel like a lot of the lessons I've been learning this past semester can be grouped under one theme: learning to live and let go. For some reason, I have a feeling that this theme isn't going to go away anytime soon. I have a hard time letting go of things. I think as human beings, it's really natural for us to want a sense of control. Having that sense of control- whether it's real or not- apparently lowers our stress level, or at least so I learned in Psychology. Wanting to have that control over some, if not every aspect of our lives is something that I think most of us have to deal with.


Sometimes I wonder what really living life would be like. I think about the different things that I have to deal with on an everyday basis, and I wonder if it's possible to get away from all that seems to be holding me back from really living life to its fullest. I wonder what God's plan for my life is- and whether I'm living it the way He wants me to. I wonder whether He wants me to get more out of life than I'm currently getting- with what I have. Usually, I come to the conclusion that I'm not really living life- at least not the way God wants me to. Unfortunately, much of the time, I'm just kind of tolerating things and going from day to day looking so far into the future that I miss what I have right in front of me.


Since there are so many things that all relate to this really broad topic, I'm posting this as a sort of "introduction" to where I'm coming from on this. I have a lot to learn, and as you might have picked up from my posts so far, I think God uses people to teach me lessons quite often (rather unsurprising). So for those of you who provide feedback and support when I'm dealing with issues and just working through things- thank you. What you say really helps a lot. These posts are meant as a means to share what I've learned from those situations with you, especially if I never got around to a long follow-up conversation. :)

Visit to the Museum of Fine Arts (5/30/2012)

The gallery is silent, clean. Wood flooring vibrates with the muted thudding of curious onlookers. Slow steps, the swish of jeans, whispered conversations. Art showcased within a work of art. Lighting calculated to bring out just those little details that make the paintings and sculptures things of grandeur. The colors of the walls likewise coordinated to complement the paintings.

In front of me is a painting of vivid red sun, its colors splayed across sky and sea in a tremendous display. Rays of sunlight paint all that it would touch to create texture, beauty. And here, opposite, is a painting depicting the other side of nature. The dark, threatening skies, full grey clouds that hang low and skim the surface of the choppy seas. The seas are themselves an uneasy tangle of white-crested waves closing in on the shore. Those waters a deep, blue-green color that is at once peaceful and fear-inspiring. All of these elements are overlaid against a background of lighter sandy and rocky shore, lined with towering sandstone cliffs. 

Yet from other wings of the gallery, time calls. The frescoes of ancient Greece and Rome have lasted throughout the ages to come to us today, to tell the story of a civilization long since gone. The lone soldier, spear in hand standing guard over the museum rotunda. Encased by a panel of glass in an alcove, unable to spring to action should the need arise, but keeping vigil all the same.


A few steps further and I reach the open courtyard. A high ceiling and tall glass walls showcase a cafeteria of white. Vivaldi plays as visitors crane their necks upward to take in the sight of a green towering plant- made of glass. This spiky column, courtesy of Chihuly, is tall enough that cables must provide support at the top. Ironic that a glass imitation of nature should be placed on a pedestal and admired when the real, more intricate plants struggle to survive just beyond the glass boundaries. From my perch on a small black bench by the window I can see plants that are walled in by bricks on three sides and glass on the other. These walls tower and block out sunlight so vital for their survival. Why not admire the intricacies of a plant that, without man-made instructions, will grow from a tiny seed that does not even begin to point at its potential for grandeur? But this is the Museum of Fine Arts, where the works that are praised are those that have been designed by man and created through the instructions of man. So I sit here and ponder these things until it is time to leave. And I wonder how many other beautiful things I miss in life all because I do not pay attention. 

Going Forth

It's a time of transition for a lot of people. Whether temporary or permanent, changes come at the beginning of summer. I was talking to one of my friends a few days ago who initially came in as a 2012 but will be graduating later. He said that as he saw all his friends graduating, he couldn't help but think of "what could have been." 


I remember telling him that we shouldn't focus on "what could have been" but rather on "what can be and is yet to come." And then I started wondering whether I follow that line of reasoning myself. Oftentimes, I play a game of "let's fiddle around with variables" in my head. It's something fun to do when you're bored and you're playing entirely for amusement purposes (ie. not about anything serious). But I know it's dangerous to wander in this realm for too long or to delve too deep. By playing this game, I often manage to discourage myself. So I asked myself why I play this game. Part of it is probably wishful thinking, but I think the more subtle, but serious, reason is that it's easier than just trying to work with what I've got in the present. It's so much easier for me to say, "well if ____ had gone better in the past, then the current situation would be taken care of," and just ignore the fact that most of the time, I can take steps to work with what I've got. 


So as we all go into summer- whether we're excited about how things wrapped up, just relieved it's all over, or frustrated with some aspect of this past semester- I'm hoping that we can learn to focus on the present and not too much on the past. (Please feel free to continually challenge me to do this ;) ).  

Goodbyes

School's out for the summer, and everyone's dispersed to the four corners of the earth, or so it seems. Originally, I meant to write this post about learning to say goodbye to our friends who are graduating. Honestly, I think it was tough for a lot of people to say goodbye, myself included. The seniors who were graduating, unfortunately had the most goodbyes to say. One of my senior friends told me that it was almost easier not to see someone one last time than to have to really say goodbye. That made me wonder how often I say goodbye and don't really mean it. I tend to think of goodbye as the "I'll see you soon, hope everything's well when I see you next." But if I step back and take another look, that's just not what it really is. 


The word "goodbye", it has a sense of finality to it. And sometimes, that could just be the last word we say to someone. I said goodbye to most of my friends with the full expectation that I'll be seeing them again sometime in the near future. And to be honest, that's probably exactly how it'll turn out. For that, I couldn't be more thankful. Recently, someone posted a quote by Jay Erickson, and it really got me thinking. Jay and Katrina Erickson were missionaries who were killed in a plane crash recently. Listen to what Jay had to say in his late April post, "...there is nothing sad about the death of a Christian. The only sadness (and I do not intend to belittle this aspect) is in the loss of companionship by those left behind. And yet to contrast this, the level of tragedy is so vast for the passing of an unbeliever." 


Those words got me thinking. Not about death quite so much as about the "goodbyes" that I've said recently. Yes, most of my friends are Christians, and I know that I will see them again one day. Yet, what of those who are not? What if that last hug, that last smile, that last goodbye really is permanent? It's a scenario that I'd like to deny, but reality won't just go away because I ignore it. Goodbyes are hard when they're semi-permanent. How much harder would they be if we knew that they were eternal? Right now, there are some goodbyes that I left on the table when school got out. I feel like this is something that I'm being called to address both through prayer and through action. Are there any that you need to take care of as well? 

Graduation (6/8/2012)

My school had its commencement ceremony Friday. The weather couldn't have been better. With clear, blue skies, a gentle breeze to cool off those caught sitting under the sun, and a happy occasion at hand, most attendees found yesterday to be a really great day. I joke about wanting to skip my own graduation so I can somehow forgo roasting in a black robe under the midday sun but I'm glad none of my friends decided to do that. Really, I did enjoy being able to attend their graduation. It was special to be there with my friends when they officially got their degrees and closed the college chapter of their lives. (I know that they were relieved to finally be done!) 

To the 2012 graduates: you all looked really awesome Friday. Many of you have been my closest friends for a while now and I'm a little sad to see you leave. God bless, wherever you may be and I'll be praying that you grow closer in your walk with Him each day! 

Welcome

If you're wondering about the name of this blog, and what "psets" refers to, I'd love to explain. I've started this blog as a way to share what I've been learning and thinking about, along with some fun writing (when I do get the chance to take out my pen and jot some things down). I've learned a lot in my years at college, but not all of it has been academic. In fact, I'd even dare to say that most of the really important lessons that I'll keep coming back to aren't about science, engineering, or the humanities. It's about people, it's about life, and most importantly, it's about who God is and how we can live in a personal relationship with Him. 


Psets, as they are commonly referred to at my school, are "problem sets" (also known as homework). When there's more work to do than you think you could possibly finish, it's really easy to lose sight of the fact that life isn't simply about getting that next assignment completed perfectly. It is important to work hard and do the best that we can- in order to glorify God. But too often, my friends and I find that we've spent so much effort focusing on the first part that we've lost sight of the more important end goal. 


There's just so much more to life than work and success- if only we'll stop for long enough to see the beauty around us. Besides, how do we really define success? (But that's an entirely different conversation best left for later.) When I say that life isn't only about work, I'm talking to myself just as much as to anyone else. This is something that God has been working on in me because if I'm honest with myself, I never outgrew that little kid who hated to lose. I'm still learning a lot each day and hope that by sharing what I'm learning, it'll help others out there too. It's true - we gain a lot by being in community with each other. So please, feel free to comment and share your thoughts as well! Here's to learning to really live a life of more than just psets.